


The Right Equation

by kikabennet



Category: Do No Harm (TV), In the Heights
Genre: Autism, Autism Spectrum, F/M, Family, Family Feels, Kidnapping, M/M, Multi, Neurological Disorders, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-07-10 12:08:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15949040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kikabennet/pseuds/kikabennet
Summary: Vanessa, Usnavi, and Ruben never saw children in their future. They definitely never saw Mateo who is  their past and present as well-a piece of each of them. The missing component of the equation they've been trying to solve for so long.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Based on thisstableground's amazing series and all of the other Usnavi/Vanessa/Ruben works. This story was kind of started on a whim and is not beta'd or anything and I was very nervous to post it. It's basically going to be the rough and loving life of our favorite trio raising a child who helps them heal.I also don't know much about Autism so a lot of this is research based.  
> Also, there is a scene that involves possible abortion. I am not making a point for or against abortion. That's not my place and the scene is not made to swing one way or the other. It's just a decision that happens to be made.  
> I hope you enjoy it!

It's  still early when Vanessa feels the familiar dip at the foot of the bed, so early that it's still dark out. Usnavi will be waking up soon to go start work at the Bodega. Ruben will soon follow because he needs a long time to mentally prepare for the day. Four years ago, the bed would feel empty after that. Vanessa would drift in out of a restless snooze until about eight or nine in the morning.

"Usnavi, scoot," she murmurs, rolling Usnavi closer to Ruben, and sure enough, there is a smaller body, just as warm, filling the void. 

" _Buenos Dias,_ " she says softly, gently running her fingers through dark curls, careful not to touch the scalp. 

"Hnn...?" Usnavi rolls back over. "Is that...?"

He grins and says, " _Buenos Dias."_

The four year old with the large, solemn dark eyes moves his gaze from Vanessa to Usnavi, smiling shyly, thumb in his mouth. He raises his free hand and wriggles his fingers. Usnavi interlaces their fingers and waves their joined hands around, making a chuckle emerge from the little one. It's music to their ears, it's so rare. It makes Ruben stir and sit up. He smiles sleepily. 

"Look," Usnavi says, nodding toward the other man. "Papi's awake too. Tell him 'Buenos Dias, Papi'."

"Good morning," Ruben says, signing sloppily with one hand and covering his mouth to yawn with the other. 

Vanessa sits up and asks and signs at the same time, "Breakfast?"

The little boy nods, still holding Usnavi's hand. Usnavi dutifully sits up and rolls over Ruben, stretching dramatically, popping all kinds of joints. The little boy carefully manuevers  over Ruben and follows after Usnavi like a puppy. It makes Vanessa and Ruben chuckle. 

"Good morning," Ruben says, voice foggy with sleep. He kisses Vanessa. 

"Same," she says, collapsing back onto the pillow. "Send him back in here when he's done."

Ruben goes into the kitchen to find Usnavi babbling a mile a minute, fluttering around the kitchen to prepare for breakfast. 

"Mateo!" He bellows cheerfully, pulling a carton of eggs from the fridge. "Mateo, Mateo, Mateo!"

The little boy smiles at his own name, playing with one of his Stim toys at the kitchen table. Usnavi approaches him with a cup of milk and asks, " _Dame un beso, por favor?"_

Ruben smiles from his place at the kitchen bar, coffee cup to his mouth, as he watches Mateo get to his knees to allow Usnavi to kiss him. When Usnavi pulls back, Ruben asks, "What about me?"

Usnavi moves to kiss Ruben too. The two of them watch Mateo go back to his Stim toy, occasionally glancing up at them as if to remind them that they should be busy preparing him food. Usnavi scrambles eggs and heats up tortillas. He cuts up strawberries for Mateo. If Mateo was ever in an eating contest, he could probably eat a whole strawberry farm. 

It's a nice morning. Some mornings Mateo doesn't want anything to do with anyone. Some mornings, if someone touches him without asking, he'll scream and rock back and forth violently, sometimes for a solid hour. 

\-----

Mateo was never planned. Vanessa and Usnavi and Ruben had one of those serious sit down talks about marriage and children. Of course, legally, marriage was out of the question, but Vanessa wanted to make sure that her boyfriends knew that children weren't something she desired. Ever. Vanessa hadn't exactly had a stellar childhood. A father who was constantly in and out of her life. A mother who suffered from Bipolar disorder and was an addict. Vanessa had never been particularly attached to either, and the idea of possibly becoming like one of them and ruining a child terrified her. 

Ruben had agreed. He liked kids just fine. He'd been eight, almost nine, when Mercedes was born, and eleven when Paola came along. He'd toted them around and read to them and let them snuggle up in the bed with him. The age gap between them made him more of a surrogate parent when he got older rather than a teasing older brother. Jason, though. Jason and Ian had ruined the idea of his own children. He was unstable. He was broken. How could he possibly help a child through the normal issues of childhood when some days he couldn't even bring himself to get out of bed? So kids? Scratch that off the list. Just one more thing Jason and Ian had taken away.

Usnavi had sat silently for a long time at the table, looking down at the scuffs and scratches in the wood. He'd finally looked up after Ruben had called his name softly and smiled and nodded. He'd quickly explained that Sonny had given him the experience of fatherhood and he didn't need anything else. He was happy. 

When Vanessa found out she was pregnant nearly a month later, she had told them. It was too late for Plan B. How she hadn't known she was  _that_ far along baffled her. It was only when she was visiting her mother (out of the blue no doubt) and had suddenly stared out the kitchen window. The window where her mother had watched her sometimes play in the backyard. As she stared out the window, her mother simply said, "Go see your doctor. You're pregnant."

Her mother was right. She was pregnant. She was  _really_ pregnant. Ruben and Usnavi went with her to the clinic. They were supportive. They were reassuring. They were comforting. 

When Vanessa had come back into the lobby, she had tears in her eyes.

"I couldn't do it," she said.

She never knew why exactly. Motherhood had never appealed to her. Pregnancy. Children. It was all so scary and foreign, but as soon as the clinic doctor had offered to hold her hand, Vanessa had scrambled down and babbled a thousand apologies (who was she even apologizing too?)

Pregnancy wasn't great. In fact, it was awful, even if she didn't keep extra baby weight or get stretch marks (thanks to Ruben who knew all about scarring and had all of the remedies beyond cocoa butter). 

It was the delivery that made it worthwhile. Alone in the delivery room with Usnavi and Ruben (and some very confused medical staff who refused to ask questions), Vanessa had held her new squishy baby that wasn't as pink as some babies she'd seen. He didn't cry. Didn't pee on her (like Christopher had done to Nina). His big eyes were gray at the time (they later turned dark) and something had just clicked, almost like the night Ruben had joined them for the first time. The newest little member of the Garcia-De La Vega-Marcado just fell right into place like the final piece of a puzzle, and Vanessa could never explain the emotions that ran through her as she held him, as she passed him to Usnavi who bawled and smiled and cradled him, as he passed him to Ruben who seemed to know just how to hold a baby. It wasn't just love, it was an understanding, like learning how a magic trick was done. 

"Can we name him 'Mateo'?" Usnavi asked, voice cracking as a few more tears slid down his cheeks.

"Of course we can," Vanessa said softly.

Ruben passed the newborn back to Usnavi, who kissed his soft baby head, closing his eyes and let out a long, shuddering sigh. Vanessa always wondered if it felt like his father had come back to him in some way. Maybe she and Ruben hadn't been waiting, but Usnavi certainly had, and it broke her heart to know he was secretly willing to give it up for the two people he cared about most.

\-----------

It was Ruben who noticed it first. Mateo's lack of eye contact and delayed speech. Mateo hadn't been the type of baby to coo and babble and smile lovingly at people. Alone in his playpen was his favorite place, crying whenever he was picked up without notice, struggling out of people's grasp. As he got older, he seemed to be in his own world. One evening, Ruben had brought some colorful blocks to the floor and sat down at a comfortable distance across from the toddler. Mateo had started to play with them, Ruben watching silently. 

"What'chu buildin', Gordo?" Usnavi had asked him, joining Ruben on the floor. He'd noticed Ruben wasn't smiling. He had his serious scientist face on. 

"Watch," Ruben murmured, moving one of Mateo's yellow blocks from it's neatly sorted pile of other yellow blocks to a pile of red blocks. 

Mateo moved it back. Ruben moved a green block to the blue pile. Mateo began rocking back and forth. Ruben moved two blocks around. Mateo began to rock more violently, followed by angry howling. Ruben gave Usnavi a long, meaningful look. 

\--------

"Where's my baby?" Vanessa calls from the bedroom. 

Usnavi laughs and tells Mateo, "Mama misses you. She's cold."

"Navi," Ruben says, politely covering his mouth to chew on his breakfast taco.

"Right." Usnavi nodd and carefully signs,  _Mama's cold in the bed by herself._

Usnavi's signing isn't t the best. It's slow and deliberate, much like baby-talk in English, but he's trying. He just hasn't caught up to the level of Vanessa and Ruben quite yet. Mateo slowly raises his hand, the one that isn't holding his taco, and signs,  _cold_.

" _Si,"_ Usnavi says, nodding and signing. "Mama's cold."

"Mateo!" Vanessa calls. "Come warm me up!"

Mateo smiles knowingly at Usnavi, who rolls his eyes. He quietly mouths _Beso_ and Mateo nods, letting Usnavi kiss him again. Usnavi stands up and says, "Gotta go to work. Take care of Mama and Papi. Don't get into trouble. Don't join a gang."

"A gang?" Ruben's eyebrows go up. "Come on, you know he's just going to become a Republican."

"No." Usnavi shakes a stern finger. "None of that."

Ruben laughs and takes his second cup of coffee from Usnavi and sits down in the seat next to Mateo. Mateo chews on his taco slowly and signs,  _School_ .

"No school today," Ruben says and signs. "You're going to the doctor with Mama."

Mateo finishes eating and dutifully takes his plate to the sink. He then travels back to the master bedroom and Ruben smiles when he hears Vanessa let out a happy noise. That means Mateo has climbed back into bed. 

\--------

When they had found about Mateo, Usnavi had been filled with a kind of shame, like he'd passed something bad to his son (even though they technically didn't know who he  _biologically_ belonged to) but not ashamed of Mateo. Ashamed of himself. All through elementary school until his teachers no longer cared in high school, Usnavi had been punished and shamed for being 'different'. Even though Vanessa and Ruben continuously reassured him that there was nothing wrong with him, all those teachers and school psychologists haunted him. Mateo wasn't broken, though. He knew that. He could feel it. Ruben had been calm, but he had already known deep down that he was connected to his son in a dark way. Not that Mateo's condition was bad, but Ruben wondered if he could properly parent a child who needed extra care and attention when he also needed extra care and attention. Ruben feared that one day he would be far away, lost in his own pain and would not hear or see Mateo, who might also be lost in his own dark world sometimes. If he was anything like Ruben, the world was extra big and frightening for someone whose brain worked differently. Vanessa angrily told everyone who apologized that there was nothing to apologize for and that Mateo was perfect. Just like she was with Usnavi and Ruben, she was fiercely protective of her son, and to her, he really was perfect. He was beautiful-curly hair (she had been a very curly-haired kid), big, deep brown eyes (could be Usnavi or Ruben) a heavenly laugh...he was smart and caring. He knew which coffee cup belonged to who and had shocked all of them when Ruben had a rare breakdown on the anniversary of his abduction and had moved to sit next to him on the floor and hold his hand. 

Everyone in the Barrio loved Mateo. Benny and Nina couldn't exactly set him up on playdates with their twins, Christopher and Amanda, because of the age gap, but they cherished him just the same and knew when they babysat him that he had to sit in the same chair every single time and he liked peanut butter on bagels, not bread, and he sometimes paced back and forth, fists clenching and unclenching just because. 

Sonny and Pete would bring him to their apartment downtown sometimes and Mateo loved to watch Pete paint on canvases and sometimes stuck his fingers in the paint and ran them across his own paper, the two of them silently working side by side for hours at a time. Mateo loved to sit next to Sonny on the couch and have him read to him. He liked to hold Sonny's hand sometimes and play with his fingers. He loved for Sonny to sing quietly to him as he fell asleep.

Usnavi sometimes took him to the Bodega and he enjoyed sitting on the counter beside the cash register, sorting gummy bears by color and tried to offer them to customers who always smiled at him. He loved to press his hand to the little radio that played music on the counter and feel the warm vibrations of the sounds. He loved the smell of coffee and would sometimes walk over to the coffee pot and stand silently waiting for Usnavi to make another cup. 

"You're a De la Vega for sure," Usnavi would say, chuckling every time Mateo scrambled off the counter to follow him to the coffee pot so he could watch. 

\------

"Cover me up,  _Mijito,_ " Vanessa says, lying on her stomach.

Mateo complies and then lies next to her on his side.

"Did Pai go to work?" She asks.

Mateo signs  _store_.

"Did Papi go to work?"

Mateo shakes his head.

Vanessa's brows furrow slightly. "Papi's still here?" 

Mateo sits up and stares at the doorway.

"Ruben, you're here?" Vanessa calls.

"Yeah! For a few more minutes!" Ruben calls back. 

He comes into the room, shrugging on his coat. He smiles at Mateo. 

 _Keep Mama warm_ , he signs.

"He is," Vanessa says. "Can't you see he covered me up?"

Ruben moves to kiss Vanessa and then looks at Mateo. 

 _Beso,_ Mateo signs.

"Of course," Ruben says and leans over Vanessa to kiss him. It's so rare that Mateo lets anyone kiss him except for Usnavi.

He starts to pull back and Mateo reaches out his hand.

"What is it?" Ruben asks him softly. 

Mateo looks at his sleeves, and then his face. Ruben complies, rolling up his sleeves a little. Mateo fingers the faded marks around his wrists were terrible restraints used to be. His fingers trail over a few silvery lines on his arms. Ruben is patient. He lets Mateo continue to touch him. When he's finished, he looks at Ruben and then touches his fingers with his own.

"I love you," Ruben says. "Both of you."

"Love you," Vanessa says. " 'Teo, lay on my back. Teo sandwich."

Mateo lays on her back. He smiles at Ruben. Ruben smiles back. He leaves for work, listening to Vanessa talk to Mateo like he's another adult, and his smile grows knowing that Mateo is actually listening. 

 

To Be Continued...

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep in mind this is unbeta'd, I'm writing it either on my lunch break or after work, and I don't have a full understanding of neurological disorders, but I am definitely trying. I hope you all enjoy. Each chapter after this will go Ruben, Vanessa, Usnavi.  
> Warnings for mention of past abuse, but it's pretty vague.

Ruben

 

Vanessa is working out of town for three days. Not far, but definitely far enough that she hesitates about leaving. It's not like she hasn't gone out of town since Mateo was born, but she traveled more when he was a baby than a toddler or preschooler and often took him with her. Ruben gently reminds her about routine and how important it is now that Mateo's older, so Vanessa packs her bags, kisses her three boys goodbye, and Ubers to the airport. 

Usnavi is working at the store and Ruben has off for the week of Thanksgiving. It's the Friday before, actually, so he has a three day weekend and  _then_ the week of Thanksgiving off. The weather has been dark and cold and dreary for days. The rain seems to in heavy spurts, just enough to soak the ground and make going outside miserable. The sky is dark gray with either rain or cold and the wind howls outside. Definitely sweater weather. Ruben doesn't have to feel strange about wearing sweaters now. 

"Mateo?" He calls softly from the kitchen, making himself a cup of tea.

Of course, there's no answer. There's never an answer, but soon enough, Mateo wanders into the kitchen, holding the big globe Sonny had given him. The last time Sonny and Pete had kept him, Mateo had become attached to the globe, toting it around their apartment, only putting it down to eat or take a bath. Sonny had laughed, telling Usnavi and Vanessa just to take it. 

"Just checking on you," Ruben says, signing with one hand.

The sign language is still fairly new, but it has certainly helped. Mateo's hearing is just fine, but his doctors all say the same thing-encourage him to communicate, even if it's through sign language, which seems to be easier for him than vocalizing. He still doesn't sign in full sentences, mostly simple signs, and only when he feels like it. Ruben doesn't mind. He knows Vanessa doesn't mind. Usnavi, on the other hand...

"Do you want to look at it again?" He asks, moving to sit on the sofa in the living room. 

Mateo follows him and curls up next to him, placing his hands on either side of the big blue sphere with it's raised geographical pieces. Ruben gently turns it and finds North America. He points and says, "This is where we live. New York.  _Neuva York._ " 

Mateo rubs his hands where his father has moved his finger away. He finds another spot and Ruben says, "Texas.  _Tejas_."

Mateo continues to skim his tiny fingers over the countries, pausing in wait for Ruben to tell him what their names are. Ruben knows they shouldn't push to make eye contact. Mateo has gotten so good at that already, but some days, he just won't look anywhere but straight ahead, light years away. Today is one of those days. Feeling a little guilty, Ruben doesn't say anything when Mateo's fingers stop on Mexico. He's hoping that he might look at him. Mateo stares at the globe. 

" _Mejico_ ," Ruben finally says softly. 

The wind howls suddenly, prompting Mateo to turn his attention the window that overlooks the balcony. He begins to rock slightly and Ruben says, "That's the wind. You're alright. You're safe."

Mateo gets up, taking his globe with him, and wanders away. Ruben continues to nurse his tea, staring straight ahead too. He can Mateo go into the master bedroom. He likes to lay on the big bed in the dark. They don't shut him out like some families do with their children. 

\-----

Ruben decides to cook dinner before Usnavi gets home. He decides to make Spaghetti because it's simple and they have the ingredients so no going to the grocery store in the cold. As he takes the pre-made jar of sauce from the pantry, he hears the 'clunk' of one of the lower cabinets. He turns and smiles when he sees Mateo opening one of the bottom cupboards, squatting down and peeking inside. 

"What'cha lookin' for?" Ruben asks cheerfully, starting water for noodles. He adds a capful of olive oil just like Vanessa does. 

Mateo signs  _coffee_.

"You're looking for coffee?" Ruben can't help but hide the smile in his voice. He signs and asks, " _por que_?" 

Mateo stands there, blinking with his big dark eyes and Ruben shakes his head, chuckling, and goes back to the stove. He assumes Mateo is at the table with one of his toys or back to playing with the globe or even back in the master bedroom, but it's the sudden crash that makes him aware that, no, Mateo is in the kitchen. And he's making noise. He's crying. Loud.

"Mateo!" He turns around and everything stops. 

_There's blood everywhere. The top cupboard above the dish drainer is open. There's shattered clear glass, shattered blue glass, shattered red glass, and blood. So much blood. Mateo is on the floor, trembling, knees drawn up, blood on his face and on his hands which are partly covered up by his long sleeves. He's sobbing, trying to clench and unclench his fists, but there's glass and blood in them and he cries louder._

_It's like his body is still there, but Ruben is suddenly back in Jamaica. So much blood. His own blood. He's in the house. He's sitting on the floor. He's sobbing. Ian's standing over him, casually putting his (Jason's) medical tools away, ignoring Ruben's trembling and humiliating sobs. Ignoring the blood._

_Ruben turns and sees the door with the heavy padlock and chain. He sees the pathetic chemistry set on the table Jason has procured. He sees Ian. He sees Ian's face and he wants to look away, but Ian is grabbing his chin, hard enough to hurt, and barking at him to look at his eyes. Ruben hears Mateo, but Ian won't let him look away. Mateo is crying. Ruben is trying to pull away. His cuts sting so badly. They're deep enough to scar, he knows that._

_"You did this,"  Ian says angrily, slapping him across the face._

_"No...!" Ruben sobs, sounding more like a child than a man. "Ian, please!"_

_Mateo is crying, he thinks as Ian's fists fly, punching him, shoving him, grabbing his hair. Somewhere in all of the other man's fury, Ruben hears his son, and he calls out, "Teo! Teo! I'm here! I'm coming!"_

And suddenly, he's back. He's in the kitchen of the apartment he shares with Vanessa and Usnavi in Washington Heights. He's breathing hard, his legs shaking, and he's gripping the edge of the counter. He hears Mateo. It takes force to pull away from the counter and stand on unsteady legs. He turns and Mateo's looking right at him, and it's like looking in a mirror. Mateo's eyes are big and frightened and full of tears and worry and wondering if anyone will save him because he cannot save himself. He is covered in blood and he's alone. 

"I'm here...!" Ruben gasps out, trying to keep his breathing steady. With shaking hands, he picks Mateo up, who lets out a shrill whimper and Ruben shushes him softly, longing to squeeze him, but he knows better. 

"I'm sorry," he whispers shakily instead. "I'm so sorry, Teo." 

He carries him to the bathroom and tugs Mateo's sweater and t-shirt off. The damage isn't too bad, mostly his hands, and Ruben is relieved that his little body is fine. No gashes, no tiny scars like little silver worms, raised and ugly. He wants to kiss his tummy, his back, his arms, but he knows that he shouldn't. He knows that he can't. He works shakily to find the first aid kit and begins doctoring him up. Mateo screams when he takes his little hand in his with a pair of tweezers in the other.

"I have to, _Pobrecito,_ " Ruben says, and his heart breaks as his grip on Mateo's hand tightens as the four year old flails and kicks the edge of the counter. Ruben knows how unwanted physical contact feel to someone like them, and he can only imagine not being old enough to process it, making it twice as horrific and scary. 

But the glass has to come out. 

" _Nueva York,"_ he says calmly. "New York.  _Tejas_. Texas.  _Mejico_. Mexico."

Mateo is still screaming, but he's no longer struggling. Ruben releases his hand and Mateo jerks it away, shaking and rocking, and Ruben feels terribly ashamed. He knows better, but the glass. Should he take him to the hospital? He can only imagine how  _that_ will go. He very carefully plucks Mateo from the counter and beckons for him to follow him back to the kitchen. The water for noodles has boiled over and he turns the burner off. He picks up Mateo's globe, which wasn't very far away, and sets it on the coffee table. He sits on the couch. Mateo stands on the spot that separates the kitchen and living room, linoleum meets hard wood separated by a thin dip. He stares at Ruben, hard, and in other situation, Ruben's heart would swell, the eye contact. 

"Want to look at the world?" He asks, touching the globe. 

Mateo takes a step forward and hesitates. He tries to clench his fists and whimpers. Ruben fights the urge to bite his bottom lip. He rubs his fingers across the globe instead. Mateo takes another step forward. He finally makes it to the couch and climbs up, crying a little because of his hands. 

"I'm going to make you some coffee," Ruben says and signs. "You want some coffee?"

Mateo's 'coffee' is just hot chocolate, but he enjoys sitting with his parents outside on the balcony in the evenings with his own special cup of hot drink. He's facing the globe, but he turns his head slightly, meeting Ruben's eyes. 

"Okay." Ruben stands up. 

Blackout has been on the market for over two years now, and has been tweaked enough that Ruben knows the exact dose to put in Mateo's hot chocolate. It's terrible, drugging him, but Ruben knows the damage beyond some cuts on his palms of fighting to get glass out of his hands. He brings Mateo his drink and Mateo walks towards the sliding glass doors that go out to the balcony, waiting. Ruben follows him, opening the door. He sits in one of the chairs and Mateo climbs up into the other. Ruben passes him his special red cup. Mateo whimpers again and Ruben asks, "Want me to help you?"

He holds it out for Mateo to take a drink. Mateo takes a drink, and then another, and another.

\-----

Relief and shame flood through Ruben as he sits on the couch, holding Mateo, whose hands are freshly bandaged. They'll be irritated for a couple of days-the scratches, the itchy healing, but there's no real damage. Mateo is usually a light sleeper, but now he's sleeping so soundly that Ruben can hold him close, his chin on top of the curly black hair. Mateo is snoring slightly, his mouth open. 

"Hello?"

The front door opens and Ruben hears Usnavi make an exaggerated 'BRR' sound.

"Shit, it's cold!" Usnavi says, coming all the way into the living room, shrugging off his heavy coat and throwing it over the loveseat. He stops when he sees Ruben clutching Mateo to him, staring straight ahead, body tense like he's afraid. He sees the bandages on Mateo's hands. 

"Hey." Usnavi's voice is soft and careful. He gingerly sits on the edge of the sofa. He's looking at Ruben, trying to figure things out without asking questions right away.

Ruben's eyes cloud with tears and a few of them fall. He inhales into Mateo's hair deeply. The tears begin to fall freely now and as he cries, Usnavi gently takes Mateo from him, checking their son over, but not entirely worried. 

"It's okay,  _Cariño,_ " Usnavi says, and Ruben knows that he wants to touch him, wants to do more than reassure him verbally, but he has Mateo in his arms and he's just now noticing the glass on the floor and he's not sure if Ruben wants to be touched...

He sits back down and Mateo stirs and Usnavi shushes him, rocking him. Mateo stirs awake now and blinks sleepily at his other father before wiggling out of his arms. Usnavi sets him down. 

"You two had quite a party it looks like," he says, trying to lighten the mood.

Ruben manages a shaky half smile, and Usnavi knows he's only half in reality, but he's okay. They're okay. 

"Did you get hurt?" Usnavi asks with exaggerated shock, signing it slowly because his signing isn't as good as Ruben's. 

Mateo holds up his hands and wiggles his fingers. He fingers the bandages and looks at Ruben. Usnavi wonders if he should let Ruben know that Mateo is looking right at him, but maybe now isn't the best time. 

\----

Usnavi finishes dinner and sings a silly song about a meatball all covered in cheese rolling off of the table and out the door which gets a rare laugh out of Mateo and after they eat, Mateo goes to the couch, where Ruben is still sitting, still staring into space. He climbs up next to him and lets out a sigh, touching the globe on the coffee table. Ruben looks at it and then at him. Mateo finds Jamaica and rests his little fingers there. Ruben swallows hard.

"Jamaica," Ruben says softly and then repeats it with the Spanish pronunciation. 

Mateo's fingers linger there. Ruben dares to put a finger there on the tiny raised island. So small on this globe, but so big in his memory. Eating away like a cavity that just keeps getting larger and larger. 

"Papi lived there for a little bit," he says quietly, swallowing again. 

Mateo's fingers go back North and Ruben smiles a little and laughs. Is their kid a psychic or some kind of miracle worker?

"New York," he says. " _Nueva York."_

Mateo's fingers stay there.

"Papi lives here now, in New York, with Pai and Mama and Mateo," he tells him, or maybe tells himself, and wipes at his eyes. 

Mateo's hands slide off of the globe and it tumbles to the floor. The noise makes him rock slightly, but then Ruben almost gasps as Mateo's little hand slips into his own. He's still rocking, and his grip isn't tight, but he's holding Ruben's hand. 

\-----

Ruben never thought he'd have a child. Just one more thing Ian had ripped away from his future. How could he possibly raise a child? How could a broken person care and cherish for something so helpless when he could barely help himself? 

"Are you ready to talk?" Usnavi asks, coming out of the bathroom, flossing his teeth. Ruben is already in bed with a book.

He tells Usnavi what happened. Mateo in ninja-stealth mode climbing the counter and falling, taking about four glasses and mugs with him, cutting up his hands, trying to doctor him, grabbing his hands, making him scream and cry, giving him blackout (which still seems wrong even though the dose was just enough to make it like fast-acting allergy medication), and holding him while he was unconscious. It felt like a million violations of Mateo's trust. He's a bad father. He tells Usnavi this.

"You're not," Usnavi says, climbing into bed. "Remember when I had to grab his hands because he was holding my razor? Remember when Vanessa had to grab his hand to pull him away from that wasp nest? We're not touching him to hurt him. We're touching him because we care about him. He just doesn't understand that yet, that's all."

Neither of them asked the question-what if he never understands? 

"My mother said that I didn't speak until I was four years old," Ruben says suddenly. "She says she sees a lot of him in me. I just stood up one day from playing on the floor and started talking like I had been talking all along."

Usnavi smiles a little.

"I spoke in Navi-nese," he says. "That's what Abuela told me. She said nobody could understand a word I said except for her and Mama and Pai. I got words mixed up a lot and couldn't really grasp English and Spanish being separate."

"Vanessa's right, you know," he adds. "There ain't nothin' wrong with 'im. He's perfect."

Ruben clenches his fist, remembering Mateo's hand in his. Mateo's hand in his when he needed it more than ever.

"No," he says. "I know."

Usnavi's phone goes off and he says, "That would be her."

"She's going to throw me out the window when she hears what I did," Ruben half jokes.

"Please." Usnavi rolls his eyes, answering. "I let him wear his swimsuit to bed  _and_ let him eat a bag of Takis for breakfast."

"Hey, Babe," he greets, and turns the phone to speaker.

\---------

It's nearly midnight when Ruben rouses from a light sleep (he always sleeps light, ever since Jamaica). The door opens loudly and then there's a dip at the foot of the bed. Ruben waits quietly for Mateo to snuggle in his usual spot between them, sighing contently. Ruben sleeps easier when he's between them. Not as easy as when Vanessa is also here, but definitely better. He thinks he hears Mateo whisper, 'Papi' to himself, but he's also half-asleep, so he probably dreamed it. 

It's still nice. 

 

To Be Continued...


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part two. I will probably finish with Usnavi and then I'll be done. This is very, very difficult to write and kudos to those who write Usnavi/Vanessa/Ruben stories and stories about neurological conditions. It's exhausting. I hope you enjoy!

Vanessa

 

"Oy, MATEO!" Vanessa says, putting her wet hair into a braid. "What are we gonna do today,  _Mijito_?" 

She's off work today, back from working out of town, so she actually has a few days off. Usnavi is at the store. Ruben is teaching. It's finals time at the college. Mateo is sitting cross-legged on the big bed his parents share, watching her reflection in the mirror. Vanessa knows that Ruben and Usnavi are cautious when it comes to Mateo, but she isn't. She never has been. Maybe it's because he grew inside of her. Maybe she got to know him long before and they're actually old friends in a way that she can't consciously understand. She knows Mateo is different, but it's just like how she knows Usnavi is different, or Ruben is different. Different doesn't mean she loves them any less. If anything, it means she loves them more. 

She loves Mateo. 

\---------

Vanessa never thought she could love a child. Her mother had told her during her last few weeks of pregnancy that some women just 'clicked' into this new mother mode-willing to give up anything and everything for their child. Some women didn't.

Her mother's words had haunted her with every little fluttering kick inside of her. It's not like her mother had really 'clicked'. Vanessa could remember falling asleep next to her mother, purposely tangling her legs around her so she would have to wake up when her mother left in the middle of the night. She never woke up when her mother left, and when she did wake up, she woke up alone, the loud whirring of the train outside of the small apartment her only comfort.

Vanessa did 'click', but it wasn't some light bulb revolultion like 'oh yeah! I'm a good mother!' It was just like when she'd realized one day with a shrug that she genuinely loved Usnavi and didn't want to share her bed with any other men. It was like when she'd woke up with Ruben between them one night and realized she wanted to keep him too. Nothing earth-shattering, just a warm, soothing series of emotions that she couldn't really describe, even to herself. 

\-------

"Want to go eat lunch with Pai and Papi?" She asks, signing, watching him in the mirror. 

Vanessa isn't an expert like Ruben when it comes to the neurological stuff, but she is an expert when it comes to Mateo. The slightest change in expression can mean a million different things, and she knows each and every one. She smiles when Mateo's eyebrows furrow slightly, followed by the twitch of his lips on the right side. He wanted to go. She turns around and says, "They're gon' buy us lunch too. I'll buy us hot chocolate after."

Mateo, she figured out long ago, is a lot like a cat. He isn't immune to touc. It's a common misconception among friends and family. Mateo just doesn't like to be touched unless he gives the okay, which is hard for most people to understand because he's non-verbal, but Vanessa knows every twitch and tick and sign that means 'yes, you may pick me up' or 'no, I'm not feeling like a hug'.

She sits down on the bed and begins texting Ruben and then Usnavi. Mateo bounces lightly and she pats her thigh without looking at him. He climbs into her lap. She doesn't try and hug him or kiss him or tickle him. Sitting on her leg is all he wants, and she isn't going to do anything he doesn't want, just like Usnavi, just like Ruben. He drums on his own thigh out of rhythm, his little toes wiggling inside of his sock-clad feet. 

"Pai says he wants us to go to the taqueria on the corner," she tells him as if she's talking to Nina or Benny. It irritates her when people speak slowly to him or loud. He ain't stupid or deaf. 

"Is that where you want to go?" She asks him. "Papi says that he wants to eat at the diner across the street."

Mateo fingers the end of her braid gingerly and sighs. Vanessa asks, "Can I pick you up? You want Mama to carry  you?"

She gets her answer when she stands up and he scrambles down to walk beside her. She talks as she steps into her shoes and coat, telling him about her job and how she plans to decorate the apartment for the holidays. She gestures for him to clean up some of his toys and he does so. She asks him to peek in the fridge to see if they need milk and he signs  _milk_.

"Make sure you tell Pai when we go to pick him up," she says. "Don't forget-Pai.  _Leche_."

Mateo smiles a little at the mention of an important task and allows Vanessa to help him into his coat and hat. He's little, like Usnavi was (maybe Ruben too. Ruben isn't a big guy either) and looks more like a two year old than a four year old all bundled up. Vanessa allows him to walk out first and there's a stray cat outside meowing and rubbing around his legs. He looks at Vanessa and she looks amused.

"You can pet the kitty," she says. "But we'll have to wash your hands. Papi's allergic. They make him sneeze."

Mateo pretends to sneeze and Vanessa nods, "Right. Sneezes. Coughing-" she fake coughs. "WHINING. 'I don't feel good. My throat hurts. Roll me into bed and say a little prayer. I'm done'."

She smiles and says, "That's what Papi sounds like."

Mateo seems hesitant of the black and white cat, but he holds out his hand, letting it sniff his gloved-fingers. It rubs against him and he lets out a breathy, excited laugh. Vanessa laughs a little too.

"He likes you," she says, crouching down. 

Mateo looks at her, and then back at the cat. He laughs again when it bumps it's furry head against his face. Vanessa's still smiling, but a little sadly. She'd read somewhere that pets can help with nonverbal or anxious children, and cats are definitely less of a chore than dogs, but Ruben is allergic. They can't have a cat. 

"Sweet kitty." She pets the cat's head and he purrs. She wants to tell the cat thank you. He'll never know what he's doing for her, making Mateo laugh like this. Making him excited and smile. 

"Come on, Baby," she coaxes. "Papi and Pai are waiting for us."

Mateo waves to the cat, and Vanessa tries not to think too much of it. She's never seen Mateo wave at anyone before and he's waving to the cat. She waves too and says, "Bye, Mr. Cat."

Mateo looks at her and then waves at the cat again as they descend the stairs. Vanessa counts each step out loud the way Ruben does. When they reach the bottom, Mateo looks up at the cat who's lying with his head between the railing, squinting at them. 

"Mrow!" He squeals and Vanessa's eyes widen. 

She kneels down, her heart pounding in her chest.

"Yeah," she says. "Kitty says 'mrow' ".

Mateo meets her eyes for a moment, the eyes that simultaneously look like Usnavi and Ruben at the same time and then he walks ahead, looking around. He loves walking to the Bodega. He loves the sound of traffic and people talking. He likes the cold air nipping his face. He doesn't tell Vanessa these things, not with his mouth, but she can see it on his face and in his steps and even the way he breathes. 

\-------

Vanessa once tried to go to one of those Mommy and Me groups for special needs kids. She didn't want to, but Daniela had guilted her into it. It was at someone's church (Carla was very involved in church and Daniela was involved in Carla so...) and it seemed like a Goddamn pity party. The mothers hugged and shed tears, possibly over things they thought they'd miss as parents-dress up and tea parties, school plays, prom dresses, driving lessons. They prayed together and  thanked God for their children while simultaneously  talking about the struggles of raising them. 

Was Vanessa supposed to feel like that? Was she supposed to mourn a 'normal' child? She had never really thought about it before. Mateo was her first, her only, and so she didn't know any different. She had certainly never felt like she was missing out on anything. Mateo was a beautiful child. Sometimes kids were ugly, that was a fact of life. Usnavi or Ruben-whoever had physically put a baby into her, had not disappointed. Of course, they looked kind of alike, and Vanessa knew she was attractive. Even so, he was beautiful. So no trouble there. 

Mateo didn't chatter away or flush things down the toilet or give hugs and kisses, but what was a standard hug and 'I love you' to the rare sound of laughter or 'mrow' that was precious like a winning lottery ticket? Kids hugged and said 'I love you' because it was ingrained in them. It was so ingrained that it was almost meaningless. When Mateo held someone's hand or allowed them to kiss him on the cheek or mouth and looked into their eyes or smiled, it was  _real_. It meant that he loved and trusted them. Vanessa wouldn't trade those moments for all of the hugs and kisses in the world.

Mateo ignored other children so play dates were out of the question, but he sat and listened to her while she griped about coworkers and listened as he sipped his 'coffee' as his parents sat together out on the balcony laughing and talking. Vanessa had never particularly been a fan of children-they were loud and sticky, and then she gets blessed with a tiny Ruben/Usnavi practically wise-adult clone and she's supposed to mourn? 

She never went back to the Mommy and Me group. 

\------

"There's the store!" She exclaims when Mateo stops just a few feet away, looking at her. He jogs ahead and pulls the door open. Usnavi is helping a customer, but his eyes light up and he says, "There's my favorite boy!"

Vanessa walks in and he adds, "And my favorite girl!"

Mateo goes behind the counter and Usnavi quietly asks him if he can hug him. Maybe it's because he radiates warmth and sunshine or maybe it's being named after his late father, but Usnavi almost always wins Mateo over. When he was learning to crawl, he would crawl after Usnavi. When he had an earache all night, he would only let his howls subside into whimpers when Usnavi held him. When he was toilet training, he only let Usnavi wipe him. Usnavi, Usnavi, Usnavi. Pai, Pai, Pai.

Vanessa smiles as Mateo raises his arms and Usnavi picks him up. He asks for a kiss and Mateo signs  _kiss_ so Usnavi kisses him, right on the mouth. Mateo smiles a little and sucks on his thumb. 

"He meowed," Vanessa says.

The customer chuckles and says, "He's beautiful."

Vanessa beams. She knows this, but it's always nice to hear. When the customer leaves, Usnavi asks, "You meowed? Are you a cat? Gon' make Papi sneeze?"

Mateo looks at Vanessa and stretches out his arms. He's having a very good day. Vanessa takes him. She asks for a kiss too and he shakes his head, but then changes his mind and makes the sign for kiss. She kisses him, balancing him on her hip.

"You look good," Usnavi teases.

"Shut up," Vanessa tells him, but she's teasing too.

They talk as they wait for Ruben. He's on his way. Vanessa sets Mateo down when he becomes restless. They watch as he goes to the candy aisle and carefully pluck a bag of gummy bears down from one of the silver pegs. Vanessa sometimes wonders if it might be worth it on his birthday just to skip all of the toys and clothes and drawing supplies and just wrap up the surplus gummy bears from the Bodega. 

"That'll be ninety-nine cents," Usnavi tells him in a serious voice. 

He hoists Mateo up, already knowing that's where he goes when he's in the Bodega and has gummy bears, and Mateo holds out the bag for him to open. He begins sorting the little bears out next to him by color, occasionally putting one in his mouth. He offers Vanessa one of the red cinnamon bears, her favorite.

"Thank you," she says.

Mateo holds out another cinnamon bear to Usnavi and he opens his mouth. Mateo lets out a grunt, but it's not one of his angry 'you're annoying me now' grunts. It's more of a 'Pai, you're ridiculous' grunt. 

Usnavi takes the little bear from his hand and pops it into his mouth. Mateo bounces up and down slightly.

"What is it, Baby?" Vanessa asks and then the bell above the door chimes. 

"It's Papi," Usnavi says, grinning. 

Mateo bounces again.

"Hello to you too," Ruben says with a pleasant sigh. "It's cold out there."

Mateo continues to bounce. Ruben looks at the bears and asks, "Can I have one?"

Mateo gives him a blueberry bear. Ruben thanks him and eats it. Mateo begins collecting the rest and returns them to the bag, carefully folding it over and then hands it to Vanessa to put in her purse. The three adults begin arguing about where they're going to go for lunch. 

"MROW!" Mateo suddenly squeaks, banging the backs of his sneakers against the counter. "MROW!"

"The hell?" Usnavi's brows furrowed. 

"He did that earlier!" Vanessa exclaims. "When he saw a cat."

Sure enough, outside is the same old black and white cat, rolling around on the sidewalk in front of the Bodega. They can see it through the window. It rolls over onto its stomach, tail twitching, squinting happily at them.

"Look!" Vanessa points. "Your best friend is back, Teo! Say 'Hola, Mr. Cat'."

Mateo lets out a noise of approval which makes his parents laugh. He excitedly holds out his arms to Ruben, wiggling his fingers. Ruben takes him and sets him down. Mateo looks at him and then at the door.

"Papi's allergic," he says, wincing a little. "Mr. Cat will make me sick."

Mateo keeps staring at him. Ruben sighs and follows him, groaning as he imagines all of the sneezes to follow. Vanessa and Usnavi chuckle as he holds open the door so Mateo can walk outside, and follows him. Vanessa and Usnavi watch as Mateo stomps his feet excitedly as the cat rubs around his legs, then notices Ruben and probably knows he's allergic and starts rubbing on him too. 

\-----

Lunch is at the diner across the street because they waste too much time fawning over Mr. Cat. Mateo leads them to his favorite booth as soon as they're through the doors, but the owner and his wife are familiar with them so they just smile and bring them their menus and standard coffee orders. 

"Ugh." Vanessa groans, checking her phone. "I keep getting Facebook messages from that Emily Whatsherface."

"Who?" Usnavi frowns.

"That woman from the Mommy and Me group," Vanessa explains. "I already told her it wasn't for us, but she keeps sending me invites."

"I forgot that you ever went to that," Ruben remarks, watching Mateo sort packets of sugar and Sweet n Low in the little holder on the table. 

"It was a nightmare," Vanessa says. "All these women talking about how perfect their kids are, but then at the same freakin' time talkin' about how much they wished they could do this or do that."

She eyes Mateo and smiles. He's looking at her, the corner of his mouth twitching. There's no doubt in her mind that he's smart. She believes that he understands every word of every conversation going on around him. 

"My mother tried one of those with me," Ruben says thoughtfully, taking a sip of his coffee. "Back then, it was all still so new and nobody really understood the spectrum."

Usnavi clinks his coffee cup down a little harder than necessary. Vanessa and Ruben look at him.

"Can we please talk about somethin' else?" He asks, rubbing his eyes in a tired fashion. 

Vanessa knows that it is a sore spot for Usnavi. He doesn't see things the way she or Ruben sees things. Usnavi spent years in school struggling, being isolated from his classmates, basically told he was stupid. He hated to compare Mateo to himself because Usnavi, to some degree, really and truly and believed that he was stupid. No matter how many times he was told otherwise, and the idea that Mateo was like him made him hate himself. It broke Vanessa's heart sometimes. 

"Teo?" She asks, putting the pep from earlier back into her voice. "What do you want to eat, Baby?"

Usnavi and Ruben simultaneously let out a flat chuckle. Mateo is a little creature of habit and he only eats one thing on the menu. The owner's wife comes by to take their orders. She looks at Mateo.

"Rye toast and jam for the little guy?" She guesses.

\-------

When their food arrives, Usnavi dutifully spreads jam onto Mateo's toast. Vanessa smiles as Mateo bounces in his seat, excited to eat. He carefully pulls away the crust from each triangle of toast before folding it in half and eating it like a sandwich. She smiles when Usnavi offers him a bite of eggs and Mateo complies, carefully taking the fork from him and putting it in his mouth. 

"I have to get back," Ruben says, handing Usnavi his credit card. 

"No, Babe," Usnavi tells him. "I got it."

"Let me take care of my family," Ruben says teasingly. He kisses Usnavi and then stands up, coat over his arm, and comes around the table to kiss Vanessa. He looks at Mateo. 

"He's eating," Vanessa reminds him softly. 

Mateo, who Vanessa knows is like a cat, doesn't want anyone to touch him while he's eating. He does look at Ruben and bounce up and down a little. 

" _Te quiero,_ " Ruben replies to his non-verbal message. 

After he's gone, Usnavi and Vanessa order a second cup of coffee and let Mateo finish his toast and the rest of Usnavi's eggs. 

"I'm sorry," Vanessa says suddenly. "About bringing up the Mommy and Me group."

Usnavi seems genuinely confused. 

"Nothing to be sorry about," he says. 

"Sometimes I feel like I don't see anything wrong with him because I'm not like you or Ruben," she explains, trying to choose her words carefully. "I feel bad that I  _can't_ get it."

She looks at their son.

"I know he's different," she says quietly. "I'm not stupid, but am I supposed to want more from him?" 

It's frustrating and painful, now that she's saying it out loud. Doesn't every parent want more from their child? Isn't that the point of this parenting gig? Everyone and every book and every website had taught her more, more, more. That's why parents spent so much money on educational toys and limited their screen time and didn't let them play outside alone. Vanessa wasn't sure if it was because she'd missed the helicopter parenting as a child or because Mateo just existing had completed their family, but she didn't long for more. It was nice, sure, when he meowed or looked at someone in their face, but she never felt the urge to push. It scared her that maybe she was doing wrong by feeling satisfied with that.

"It just scares me thinking about later," Usnavi confesses. "I'm always thinkin' about later."

Vanessa knows what he means without having to ask. He's thinking about later after they're all gone.

\--------

"Bath's ready," Ruben says, walking into the living room where Vanessa is lying on the sofa, Usnavi sitting next to her, her legs over his lap. Mateo is on the floor working on a puzzle.

"Teo," Vanessa says absent-mindedly, not bothering to sign. "Go with Papi."

Mateo stands up, carefully collecting his puzzle pieces and places them on the coffee table. He follows Ruben down the hall and into the bathroom. They hear Ruben almost arguing, like he's arguing with himself.He comes back and puts his phone on the charger.

"What's goin' on?" Usnavi asks him.

Ruben sighs. "He let out the bath water."

"He wants a shower, Babe," Vanessa says. Mateo loves taking showers even more than he loves taking baths. 

"Yeah, but he wants me to take a shower too," Ruben says. "So I guess I'm going to take another shower today."

"Call me when you want me to come wash his hair," Vanessa calls after him. She's the only one Mateo will let wash his hair.

In a few minutes, Ruben calls for her and she comes into the bathroom where Ruben is already out of the shower, toweling himself dry. The shower is still going and Mateo is sitting on the shower floor, squinting up at the falling water.

"Alright," Vanessa says, taking his favorite Raspberry scented shampoo. "Pai said he wants to take you to get your hair cut. He's bad at jokes, you know."

"Usnavi's getting his hair cut?" Ruben asks, frowning slightly as he pulls his sweatshirt over his head.

"I'll murder him if he does," Vanessa jokes, but there's a warning tone in her voice. "Ain't nobody cuttin' these beautiful curls off."

They all knew it was a joke. Mateo wouldn't let anybody else cut his hair except her. He lets her pour in the shampoo and build it into a later, softly massaging his scalp. She rinses it with a pitcher they keep in the bath and then lets him stay under the spray a bit longer. Ruben is watching, dressed in his sweats now, smiling as he leans against the counter. 

"I love his little butt," Vanessa remarks as he rolls onto his stomach, allowing the water to hit his back. 

"You're so weird," Ruben snorts softly, getting his toothbrush out. 

"Teo, let's go," she tells Mateo. "We can't live in the shower, Dude."

Mateo complies and turns the nobs himself to make the water shut off. He steps out of the tub and lets Vanessa pat him dry. She wraps the towel around him like a cape. 

"Go get your pajamas," she tells him. 

She smiles when she hears Usnavi gasp out in mock shock, "Teo! You're squeaky clean!"

\------

" 'Dogs CAN do ballet'," Vanessa reads from the little picture book about a dog wanting to be a ballerina. She is lying beside Mateo on his bed, and it is their second book before lights out. 

"And look," she says, pointing. "Now the puppy has a happy face. They let him do ballet and he was good. What a great story, yeah?"

Mateo's eyes are opening and closing heavily. He signs  _Daddy_ twice which means he's talking about Ruben (Papi) and Usnavi (Pai).

"What? Does Papi do ballet? Does Pai?" She asks, chuckling. 

 _Daddy come_ , he signs.

"Ooh..." she understands. "You want Papi and...Ruben! Usnavi!"

The two of them come into the bedroom. Vanessa nods at Mateo, closing the book and resting it on her stomach. 

" _Que Paso_?" Usnavi asks, squatting down. "Hm? What is it, _Pobrecito_?"

Ruben kneels down too. Vanessa's heart swells. She wishes she could freeze this moment and keep it forever. 

It's okay that Mateo doesn't really want anything in particular from them. He signs nothing after that and just lays on his side facing them. His little hand reaching out and absent-mindedly tracing some of the faint scars on Ruben's arm. Ruben can't help but lean down far enough to ghost his lips over the little hand, inhaling deeply. Mateo doesn't pull away. 

\-----

Vanessa ends up falling asleep in the little twin bed next to Mateo. She wakes up hearing Ruben wander around checking the locks on the door. It's something he's done since he'd spent the first night with them. No matter whose apartment he was in, Ruben always got up at random intervals and checked the locks and on Usnavi and Vanessa. She's awake, but her eyes are closed when he pushes Mateo's door all the way open and shuffles into the room sleepily. He grunts softly, still not all the awake probably, and tucks some hair behind her ear. She opens her eyes slightly to see his hand linger on Mateo's head. Mateo is snoring heavily with his mouth open. He sounds like the suction tool at the dentist. 

"Ness?" Ruben gruffs. 

"Hey," Vanessa whispers.

"Are you sleeping here?" He asks.

"I guess," Vanessa says. "I'm cozy and Mateo's givin' me dead-arm. I ain't gettin' up."

Ruben laughs softly. 

"Okay," he says, leaning over to kiss her. 

He leaves the room and she hears him check the locks one more time. Mateo stirs slightly. rolling closer to her, and makes a tired, squeaky sound.

" _Esta bien_ ," she murmurs, kissing his head. 

Her heart stops when he makes another sound and she almost thinks he says 'Mama' but she knows that's probably not what she heard, and she knows that it's okay. She kisses him again and falls back asleep to the sound of his deep breathing. 

 

To Be Continued...


End file.
